Not sure I’m there yet. The— not the only thing… thing.
[ The bad things she’s done often feel like all she really is, anymore. It should get easier, with less people around who know, but somehow it gets harder. She’ll never know if her brother would have one day forgiven her and— she feels like if she doesn’t hold onto those things, then it’s the same as ignoring them outright, pretending they didn’t happen, acting like she did nothing wrong. But she did everything wrong, and she knows that, and so she makes herself hold onto it.
That it might just be killing her a little more every day— well, doesn’t she deserve that? Ugggh. Emotions are stupid. ]
I can pretend, y’know. I can act— normal. Better. But I still don’t…
[ She gestures vaguely. There’s one or two people here who maybe genuinely care about her, and she can’t comprehend why. ]
no subject
Not sure I’m there yet. The— not the only thing… thing.
[ The bad things she’s done often feel like all she really is, anymore. It should get easier, with less people around who know, but somehow it gets harder. She’ll never know if her brother would have one day forgiven her and— she feels like if she doesn’t hold onto those things, then it’s the same as ignoring them outright, pretending they didn’t happen, acting like she did nothing wrong. But she did everything wrong, and she knows that, and so she makes herself hold onto it.
That it might just be killing her a little more every day— well, doesn’t she deserve that? Ugggh. Emotions are stupid. ]
I can pretend, y’know. I can act— normal. Better. But I still don’t…
[ She gestures vaguely. There’s one or two people here who maybe genuinely care about her, and she can’t comprehend why. ]