[D'Artagnan grumbles to himself in reading that assessment. When he feels like it, indeed. It can't be argued, and he's quite aware of his fickle approach to things where he might protest and show plain disinterest if he finds something useless to him, but is driven near single-mindedly when he's the determination to accomplish something.]
I might study a manual if I'd wished to be removed from the emotions and reasoning involved. I suppose then, yes, I'm asking for help to... comprehend the intricacies of it, that aren't the tying of a series of knots, in a way that allows me to... push beyond my self-imposed limitations due to...
[Hnn. How might he phrase it in less of a humiliating way? Well, no bother, he's come this far.]
Trauma. My concerns with this are rooted in an incident several months ago, in that experiment facility. I was a Dominant then, you'll recall, and I'd been required to bind someone, and I did it of my own volition out of consideration we both could be subjected to harsher conditions if I'd not, but I made that decision to restrain him and force him to service me. I'd not been drugged, as many were, or otherwise coerced into where the decision in the end with him, and others I also took advantage of for what I felt was their own good, was not out of my control.
It affects me greatly even now, and I've not recovered. I fear if I try this without... that dedication to discipline and focus you speak of, and a thorough understanding of my misgivings and apprehension, my timidity, I will fail.
no subject
I might study a manual if I'd wished to be removed from the emotions and reasoning involved. I suppose then, yes, I'm asking for help to... comprehend the intricacies of it, that aren't the tying of a series of knots, in a way that allows me to... push beyond my self-imposed limitations due to...
[Hnn. How might he phrase it in less of a humiliating way? Well, no bother, he's come this far.]
Trauma. My concerns with this are rooted in an incident several months ago, in that experiment facility. I was a Dominant then, you'll recall, and I'd been required to bind someone, and I did it of my own volition out of consideration we both could be subjected to harsher conditions if I'd not, but I made that decision to restrain him and force him to service me. I'd not been drugged, as many were, or otherwise coerced into where the decision in the end with him, and others I also took advantage of for what I felt was their own good, was not out of my control.
It affects me greatly even now, and I've not recovered. I fear if I try this without... that dedication to discipline and focus you speak of, and a thorough understanding of my misgivings and apprehension, my timidity, I will fail.