[Unexpectedly, it's that admission of alignment with SIN guards that puts D'Artagnan more at ease, that it wasn't a denial of his own claim, of his perceptions. I still miss it. God, he does too.]
Maintaining control of myself is what I've apprehension with. It's difficult for me, and I'd managed only after years of working at it, and managed not to a terribly notable degree. I've slipped here, my trust in myself is precarious. I'd not wish the responsibility of someone giving themselves to me wholly, as you've said. I do understand in doing so, I might conversely practice control over myself, necessarily.
[The connection there does make sense to him, even if thinking about it, of trying it, comes with very unsettling feelings. They're overshadowed by a general disgruntlement upon addressing Wash's last statements, which have struck a chord as being too cosseting, too many allowances for his discomfort and that sparks D'Artagnan's need to challenge himself without second thought.]
I'll not have someone else witness this. I'll thank you not to think me so weak I need a substitute. I've been restrained numerous times and I've no issue with you doing so.
[All but one of those times were involuntarily, and none were sexual in nature or as restrictive as the artful ropework appears to be. The distinction between his past circumstances and his mindset with each one doesn't get considered, however. He's made his snap decision and he'll not retract it.]
no subject
Maintaining control of myself is what I've apprehension with. It's difficult for me, and I'd managed only after years of working at it, and managed not to a terribly notable degree. I've slipped here, my trust in myself is precarious. I'd not wish the responsibility of someone giving themselves to me wholly, as you've said. I do understand in doing so, I might conversely practice control over myself, necessarily.
[The connection there does make sense to him, even if thinking about it, of trying it, comes with very unsettling feelings. They're overshadowed by a general disgruntlement upon addressing Wash's last statements, which have struck a chord as being too cosseting, too many allowances for his discomfort and that sparks D'Artagnan's need to challenge himself without second thought.]
I'll not have someone else witness this. I'll thank you not to think me so weak I need a substitute. I've been restrained numerous times and I've no issue with you doing so.
[All but one of those times were involuntarily, and none were sexual in nature or as restrictive as the artful ropework appears to be. The distinction between his past circumstances and his mindset with each one doesn't get considered, however. He's made his snap decision and he'll not retract it.]
The arcade is fine.