[ as before, wash won't balk at his defensiveness -- but as to whether he should've done it earlier? wash shrugs, with a slight shake of his head. ]
You were worried, and not without reason. I can't speak for her, but I'd much rather you be a little overly cautious instead of being gung-ho about seizing control over someone else.
[ d'artagan clearly tends towards reckless impulsivity rather than caution, but hey. when it counts, when he worries for someone he really cares about -- clearly he's capable of putting on the brakes. and wash believes that's a good thing.
now that d'artagnan's been able to reach that conclusion out loud, though, and especially with that defensiveness -- wash will turn it around back on himself, for a while. fair's fair. ]
For me, giving up control wouldn't be a relief. [ everything about even the idea of it seems absolutely fucking horrifying to wash, actually. ] So I can't do that, to get out of my head. Instead I try to do things to occupy my mind, skills like rope, but -- the memory doesn't apply to just skills. I've found that one of the ways I can most effectively get out of my own head -- is losing myself in someone else.
[ he won't describe it in detail, but with that hawkish focus in his eyes now as he meets d'artagnan's gaze -- maybe d'artagnan might be able to imagine. wash memorizes a person the same way he absorbs any other information. everything about them, from the rhythm of their breaths, how they shift their weight when they walk, how they respond when his touch brushes against a certain spot at the small of their back, how that response differs if he uses just a bit more pressure, or a bit less. wash is often laser-focused on pleasuring his partner and meeting their needs to the utter detriment of his own, and that's the way he likes it. ]
But that's all in my head. Conveying that to anyone I'm with -- there's only so much I can do. [ he gestures with a tip of his head towards the case, and there's a bit more hesitation to his words, here, trying to convey something that's always mostly been in his thoughts, that he's rarely ever needed to give actual words to. ] But with this. There's a lot that goes into tying someone intricately and safely, that counts on how well I know the rope, on how well I know them -- their body, their wants, their needs. It's almost . . . Almost a way for my touch, for my attention, to linger even when I move my hands away. To make it physical, make them -- feel it.
[ to surround them in it, to hold them in it, for them to trust it to hold them, give themselves to his attention . . . his brow knits slightly, like he's not sure if he's putting it to words in the right way. but that's as close as he's going to get, for now. ]
no subject
You were worried, and not without reason. I can't speak for her, but I'd much rather you be a little overly cautious instead of being gung-ho about seizing control over someone else.
[ d'artagan clearly tends towards reckless impulsivity rather than caution, but hey. when it counts, when he worries for someone he really cares about -- clearly he's capable of putting on the brakes. and wash believes that's a good thing.
now that d'artagnan's been able to reach that conclusion out loud, though, and especially with that defensiveness -- wash will turn it around back on himself, for a while. fair's fair. ]
For me, giving up control wouldn't be a relief. [ everything about even the idea of it seems absolutely fucking horrifying to wash, actually. ] So I can't do that, to get out of my head. Instead I try to do things to occupy my mind, skills like rope, but -- the memory doesn't apply to just skills. I've found that one of the ways I can most effectively get out of my own head -- is losing myself in someone else.
[ he won't describe it in detail, but with that hawkish focus in his eyes now as he meets d'artagnan's gaze -- maybe d'artagnan might be able to imagine. wash memorizes a person the same way he absorbs any other information. everything about them, from the rhythm of their breaths, how they shift their weight when they walk, how they respond when his touch brushes against a certain spot at the small of their back, how that response differs if he uses just a bit more pressure, or a bit less. wash is often laser-focused on pleasuring his partner and meeting their needs to the utter detriment of his own, and that's the way he likes it. ]
But that's all in my head. Conveying that to anyone I'm with -- there's only so much I can do. [ he gestures with a tip of his head towards the case, and there's a bit more hesitation to his words, here, trying to convey something that's always mostly been in his thoughts, that he's rarely ever needed to give actual words to. ] But with this. There's a lot that goes into tying someone intricately and safely, that counts on how well I know the rope, on how well I know them -- their body, their wants, their needs. It's almost . . . Almost a way for my touch, for my attention, to linger even when I move my hands away. To make it physical, make them -- feel it.
[ to surround them in it, to hold them in it, for them to trust it to hold them, give themselves to his attention . . . his brow knits slightly, like he's not sure if he's putting it to words in the right way. but that's as close as he's going to get, for now. ]