Possession, huh. [ not how wash tends to think of it, but he doesn't take offense to it -- he knows how he is, knows how he gets, especially in the heat of a moment. ] Yeah. I'd say that's a part of it, sometimes at least. I usually think of it less as me trying to leave a mark on them, and more -- trying to let them feel how much I'm giving them. Like a way I can lavish attention on someone, make them feel how much they are wanted.

Sometimes I think about what it really is I miss about the war. It's a lot of things. [ there is a part of him, real and present, that does miss the terrible parts of it. but. ] But it's also about -- being focused. Absolute. Everything about my mind and being being honed to a single purpose.

Often, when I get really into things -- my partner, who I'm with. That's the purpose I have. Learning everything about them so I can use it to push them as far as I can, or as far as they want, to give them what they want and need, to make them feel good along the way. Nothing else matters, in those moments. And I find that purpose anchoring, in a way.

[ wash shrugs. he's more than reached the point where it's just kind of abstract, where giving words to it doesn't even really make sense anymore, because it's not like these thoughts are ever flashing through him consciously in the heat of the moment. so he dials back a bit; ]

It isn't always so high-minded. I still just enjoy the feeling of control. Depending on who I'm with, for rope in specific, I can spend hours really lavishing attention on every knot and tie, or I can move through it fairly quickly.