[It should be shameful being this ready, this needy, even if - had Dick given in to the draw of his memories rather than the thread of caution telling him that things might not match up in this more tangible existence - he'd have been ready to walk into this room and offer himself over without much more than a remember me? This city, and this month in this city in particular has him frayed and reckless. At night he'll walk into fights most people wouldn't walk out of, and by day?
Well, he's here. Chasing the same kind of freedom from thought that he finds mid fight when its brutal enough. That moment where instinct kicks in. That high where the pain bursts through and whites out the world.
Memories merge as the present moment loses its clarity and he's in a shitty hotel room instead, face pressed down until he can taste the polish of Wash's boots before being dragged back up by the throat and thrown against the nearest surface - bed or table or wall. He remembers resenting it, resenting him and circling back to him like a dog anyway. Craving it in spite of himself. He remembers peeling wallpaper and his mouth full of sour tasting blankets. And he thinks hazily he might be trying to tell Wash about it, struggling for air and for words - thoughts - anything.
He's not really aware of the tear that slides down his cheek as Wash examines him, except for the slight sting.
And finally he's pushing – hands gripping Wash's shoulders, though not with all the strength he could use to fight him off if he had to, just pushing back as a desperate sound gets caught against the hand round his throat and he's coming, hard and messy into his palm.]
[ These are the moments that Wash strives for. Fleeting, ephemeral things but that seem so all-consuming as they flash before his eyes: the flickering times when Dick loses his grasp and control, when he can't help but just buckle under his touch, when he can reduce him to nothing but desire and desperation and need. Dick pushes at him, and Wash answers by that grip on his throat locking up even more, shoving him harder against the wall, keeping him in place, breaking their kiss just enough that he can watch with a kind of devouring hunger in his eyes. The way Dick's lips part as he gasps and struggles, the color in his skin paling just from literal lack of air, how his throat bobs and fights even as Dick wants and craves more -- sealed away into a memory that he'll be able to look back on any time he wants. He drinks in everything, the desperate press of Dick's body against his own and the throb of him under his touch as he comes hotly against his palm and fingers.
The moment passes, as they always do, and Wash is still pressing him bodily against the wall. He's still working his hand over him, though his pace is slowing -- enough to milk him dry, to have him squirm slightly in the sensitivity afterwards. Importantly, though, he still isn't giving him air. Just watching him, deliberately counting the seconds passing by as his fingers continue to press bruises against his throat.
Eventually he pulls his hand from his cock -- only to immediately press those fingers straight into Dick's mouth, crude and shameless, smearing a thumb over his lower lip, and only then does he finally let go. Just a little, at first, allowing him a small sliver of air, and then all at once, releasing his grip from his neck entirely. He says nothing, yet, just watching him with a real sense of quiet satisfaction in his eyes, like he himself is reveling in some post-orgasmic afterglow. ]
[It's truly skirting the edge of danger - that silent observer Dick set within himself is ready to set off every alarm going - and yet Dick lets it happen. His grip tightens on Wash's shoulders, fingers digging deep enough to leave bruises of their own, dark smears capped by the drag of red where his nails have caught deep enough to scratch. But he lets it happen. Lets Wash choke the breath from him and deny him more until his lungs are burning and his vision can't be trusted, flashing colors like fireworks around them.
He lets Wash thrust two - three fingers into his dry mouth, almost grateful for the moisture despite the tang of salt. He can't swallow around him at first, and almost forgets to breathe even when the pressure lets up the faintest amount.
His body can't forget, though, a soft whine picking up where the air tries to find a pathway round Wash's hand, Dick's tongue, and then a painful gasp as he lets go. He coughs harshly around the fingers invading his mouth, pulling his head back as far as the solid barrier of the ball behind will allow. But only long enough for air to re-establish itself in his lungs. For the world to swing back into focus and bring Wash's heavy-lidded gaze with it. Dick finds himself trying to read something there, to know if he's been good enough.
Then, careful not to drop his gaze, he sets about licking his hand clean of the mess its coated in.]
no subject
Well, he's here. Chasing the same kind of freedom from thought that he finds mid fight when its brutal enough. That moment where instinct kicks in. That high where the pain bursts through and whites out the world.
Memories merge as the present moment loses its clarity and he's in a shitty hotel room instead, face pressed down until he can taste the polish of Wash's boots before being dragged back up by the throat and thrown against the nearest surface - bed or table or wall. He remembers resenting it, resenting him and circling back to him like a dog anyway. Craving it in spite of himself. He remembers peeling wallpaper and his mouth full of sour tasting blankets. And he thinks hazily he might be trying to tell Wash about it, struggling for air and for words - thoughts - anything.
He's not really aware of the tear that slides down his cheek as Wash examines him, except for the slight sting.
And finally he's pushing – hands gripping Wash's shoulders, though not with all the strength he could use to fight him off if he had to, just pushing back as a desperate sound gets caught against the hand round his throat and he's coming, hard and messy into his palm.]
no subject
The moment passes, as they always do, and Wash is still pressing him bodily against the wall. He's still working his hand over him, though his pace is slowing -- enough to milk him dry, to have him squirm slightly in the sensitivity afterwards. Importantly, though, he still isn't giving him air. Just watching him, deliberately counting the seconds passing by as his fingers continue to press bruises against his throat.
Eventually he pulls his hand from his cock -- only to immediately press those fingers straight into Dick's mouth, crude and shameless, smearing a thumb over his lower lip, and only then does he finally let go. Just a little, at first, allowing him a small sliver of air, and then all at once, releasing his grip from his neck entirely. He says nothing, yet, just watching him with a real sense of quiet satisfaction in his eyes, like he himself is reveling in some post-orgasmic afterglow. ]
no subject
He lets Wash thrust two - three fingers into his dry mouth, almost grateful for the moisture despite the tang of salt. He can't swallow around him at first, and almost forgets to breathe even when the pressure lets up the faintest amount.
His body can't forget, though, a soft whine picking up where the air tries to find a pathway round Wash's hand, Dick's tongue, and then a painful gasp as he lets go. He coughs harshly around the fingers invading his mouth, pulling his head back as far as the solid barrier of the ball behind will allow. But only long enough for air to re-establish itself in his lungs. For the world to swing back into focus and bring Wash's heavy-lidded gaze with it. Dick finds himself trying to read something there, to know if he's been good enough.
Then, careful not to drop his gaze, he sets about licking his hand clean of the mess its coated in.]