He saw the whole… North. Thing. Y’know. I uh— well, I kinda made the mistake of not telling him about that whole thing when I got here? Didn’t want to get off on the wrong foot but…
[ Yeah that didn’t pay off. The dreams showed him for her. Not even for the first time, if for the first time with this York. ]
Had to explain what the fuck I was thinking. Sounds worse and stupider every time I explain it. Ugh.
[ She pulls a face, disgust directed at herself. It was not fun explaining to the guy who is kinda messed up without his AI that she wanted to let North’s AI get taken so she could have her brother back. And that’s not even getting into the rest of how it sucked. ]
Think he saw something bad of yours, or just something— personal?
[ ah. north. of course this place would choose a memory like that to pull out into the open for people to see. he grimaces, in genuine sympathy, something that might surprise him later -- it probably helps that she's describing a dream about her brother and not about wash himself. that disgust, too, the way it's so obviously directed at herself. that's something he recognizes.
different kind of person might try to offer some platitude about how she shouldn't blame herself, about how it's all in the past, but wash -- doesn't. that memory, at least, is probably not one that he can really offer comfort to, at least not yet. he's clearly sympathetic, at least. ]
If anyone was going to hear you out, it'd be York. [ unlike wash himself, who did in fact just pull a gun on you. twice! but he's better about it now. promise.
and, well. he pauses, not quite meeting her eye, hesitating for a few moments before he finally looks back at her. ]
Look, I don't -- forget. Anymore. [ just. a vague gesture. he folds his arms across his chest, leaning his weight against one side of the doorframe, breaking eye contact again to look off in some random corner of south's apartment behind her. ] And whenever I sleep, nine times out of ten my mind goes back to the same place.
[ The sympathy straddles a line between surprising and not, because as usual, the multiverse is fucking weird and can go fuck itself. Sharing memories happened on the rig, too, and that Wash... well he saw the same memory, and she saw a couple things in turn. The aftermath of her shooting him. An old memory where she had his back early in the Project, back when she was a team player. Reminders to be better.
But she didn't expect any sympathy from him now. But she'll certainly take it. ]
Yeah he uh— he did. He's a good guy.
[ It takes her a second to connect the pieces Wash lays down, but when she does she hisses with sympathy of her own. Of course. When he says it it's almost as obvious a choice for this place as the North thing is. ]
[ having reality-shattering trauma and a perfect memory is, as it turns out, a no-fun combination. he just nods, not quite meeting her eye, he doesn't like talking about it for obvious reasons. but freelancer is freelancer, and its not like they all didn't already know what happened. at least in the broad strokes. ]
I'm used to it. [ just so dryly, but truthful: when the memory is that strong, so deeply-ingrained, its just an inevitable spiral to the same place whenever he's unable to actually control his thoughts. most nights, if not every night. he sure does avoid sleeping until he has to. ] The new part was having visitors.
Knowing him, he’ll come try talk to you about it. Brace yourself for weirdly condescending sympathy. He’ll mean well, but he’s… well, he’s him.
[ Not that he’s as goddamned patronising with other people as he is her, but it’s still a legitimate warning. North’s… North. She loves him, but he’s a fucking pain sometimes. ]
We had a couple people turn up in like, our shared memories? Lina, for one. It was… well it was sure a fucking night, huh?
[ She’s absolutely choosing not to think too hard about the fact North and her apparently had a shared damn dreamscape for parts of that night. Too close to weird twin telepathy bullshit she’s just refusing to acknowledge. ]
[ urg. he stiffens noticeably at the thought. it makes sense that north would want to come talk to him about it, but. wash really, really doesn't want to talk about it. not to north, not to york, mostly because they are far too nice and its something that he just really doesn't want to be comforted about, and the idea that anyone at all had been able to see those memories from him still pisses him off if he lingers on the thought too much. ]
Great. [ ughh. ] Thanks for the heads up.
[ its fine, he'll handle it. he looks back at her finally when the subject shifts. shared memories? ]
I didn't see much of anyone else's, thankfully. [ York. Sharkface. But . . . ] None of yours. None of -- both of yours?
Can’t let anyone go into that one blind. Shout if you need rescuing from him, too. Or you can always distract him by saying something about me. Either works.
[ That’s mostly a joke. Mostly. It’s definitely probably easy to distract him with the right comment about her, but. ]
Both of ours. Hazard of spending thirty fuckin’ years of our lives barely apart, basically all of our memories overlap. Guess whatever caused the dreams decided to— combine shit for simplicity or some shit, I don’t know.
[ She rolls her eyes. Luckily it didn’t make her relive his death with him, that’d have bothered her in a whole different way. ]
[ wash won't throw her under the bus to get out of a conversation with north that he doesn't want, but he miiight call on her if he really needs it. but he'll handle it. he likes north, of course he does, he just really doesn't want to talk about that with anyone if he can help it.
he does raise an eyebrow when she describes the shared dreams -- he won't ask about it, because it seems like a shitty thing to ask, but he's going to assume that if they did have a shared dream about north's death that she wouldn't be able to talk about it quite so calmly. ]
I guess I'm glad my fucked up dreamscape was just my fucked up dreamscape.
[ She honestly wonders if the only thing that saved her from reliving it with him is that York apparently didn’t interact with the dream he saw at all, just watched. Too stunned to even say anything. It was Carolina and Temple commenting on what they were watching that drew her and North back into reality. ]
Yeah, you should be. I mean, coulda been worse, but— super fucking weird, do not recommend.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
He saw the whole… North. Thing. Y’know. I uh— well, I kinda made the mistake of not telling him about that whole thing when I got here? Didn’t want to get off on the wrong foot but…
[ Yeah that didn’t pay off. The dreams showed him for her. Not even for the first time, if for the first time with this York. ]
Had to explain what the fuck I was thinking. Sounds worse and stupider every time I explain it. Ugh.
[ She pulls a face, disgust directed at herself. It was not fun explaining to the guy who is kinda messed up without his AI that she wanted to let North’s AI get taken so she could have her brother back. And that’s not even getting into the rest of how it sucked. ]
Think he saw something bad of yours, or just something— personal?
no subject
different kind of person might try to offer some platitude about how she shouldn't blame herself, about how it's all in the past, but wash -- doesn't. that memory, at least, is probably not one that he can really offer comfort to, at least not yet. he's clearly sympathetic, at least. ]
If anyone was going to hear you out, it'd be York. [ unlike wash himself, who did in fact just pull a gun on you. twice! but he's better about it now. promise.
and, well. he pauses, not quite meeting her eye, hesitating for a few moments before he finally looks back at her. ]
Look, I don't -- forget. Anymore. [ just. a vague gesture. he folds his arms across his chest, leaning his weight against one side of the doorframe, breaking eye contact again to look off in some random corner of south's apartment behind her. ] And whenever I sleep, nine times out of ten my mind goes back to the same place.
no subject
[ The sympathy straddles a line between surprising and not, because as usual, the multiverse is fucking weird and can go fuck itself. Sharing memories happened on the rig, too, and that Wash... well he saw the same memory, and she saw a couple things in turn. The aftermath of her shooting him. An old memory where she had his back early in the Project, back when she was a team player. Reminders to be better.
But she didn't expect any sympathy from him now. But she'll certainly take it. ]
Yeah he uh— he did. He's a good guy.
[ It takes her a second to connect the pieces Wash lays down, but when she does she hisses with sympathy of her own. Of course. When he says it it's almost as obvious a choice for this place as the North thing is. ]
Fuuuuck.
no subject
I'm used to it. [ just so dryly, but truthful: when the memory is that strong, so deeply-ingrained, its just an inevitable spiral to the same place whenever he's unable to actually control his thoughts. most nights, if not every night. he sure does avoid sleeping until he has to. ] The new part was having visitors.
North got a look, too.
no subject
Knowing him, he’ll come try talk to you about it. Brace yourself for weirdly condescending sympathy. He’ll mean well, but he’s… well, he’s him.
[ Not that he’s as goddamned patronising with other people as he is her, but it’s still a legitimate warning. North’s… North. She loves him, but he’s a fucking pain sometimes. ]
We had a couple people turn up in like, our shared memories? Lina, for one. It was… well it was sure a fucking night, huh?
[ She’s absolutely choosing not to think too hard about the fact North and her apparently had a shared damn dreamscape for parts of that night. Too close to weird twin telepathy bullshit she’s just refusing to acknowledge. ]
no subject
Great. [ ughh. ] Thanks for the heads up.
[ its fine, he'll handle it. he looks back at her finally when the subject shifts. shared memories? ]
I didn't see much of anyone else's, thankfully. [ York. Sharkface. But . . . ] None of yours. None of -- both of yours?
no subject
Can’t let anyone go into that one blind. Shout if you need rescuing from him, too. Or you can always distract him by saying something about me. Either works.
[ That’s mostly a joke. Mostly. It’s definitely probably easy to distract him with the right comment about her, but. ]
Both of ours. Hazard of spending thirty fuckin’ years of our lives barely apart, basically all of our memories overlap. Guess whatever caused the dreams decided to— combine shit for simplicity or some shit, I don’t know.
[ She rolls her eyes. Luckily it didn’t make her relive his death with him, that’d have bothered her in a whole different way. ]
no subject
he does raise an eyebrow when she describes the shared dreams -- he won't ask about it, because it seems like a shitty thing to ask, but he's going to assume that if they did have a shared dream about north's death that she wouldn't be able to talk about it quite so calmly. ]
I guess I'm glad my fucked up dreamscape was just my fucked up dreamscape.
no subject
[ She honestly wonders if the only thing that saved her from reliving it with him is that York apparently didn’t interact with the dream he saw at all, just watched. Too stunned to even say anything. It was Carolina and Temple commenting on what they were watching that drew her and North back into reality. ]
Yeah, you should be. I mean, coulda been worse, but— super fucking weird, do not recommend.